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Respectful questions are all well and good, but take it from someone who has been poly for many years: There are some things that we are really tired of having to explain.Let’s debunk some of the most common myths about polyamory so that the next time you broach the subject with your friends, you can breeze past the basics and get to the juicy details.But just because you have that person in common doesn’t necessarily mean you like one another, and that’s O. Learning to be civil and kind is a good practice, and if you have a metamour, you shouldn’t feel pressure for your relationship to be more than cordial.After all, one of the benefits of poly is for each partner to have separate interests; if you’re too close to your metamour, your partner’s relationship with them may not feel like a separate space anymore.For example, you might feel compersion that your partner is going on vacation with their other partner, instead of jealous or envious or resentful.I tend to react to my own feelings of jealousy by asking myself what’s behind that emotion: It’s usually something like fear of inadequacy, or yearning to be special.There are hundreds of different relationship models beyond the default mode of monogamy.
Rather, you commit to addressing those strong emotions and working through them with your partner(s).
Being poly does not give you a license to do whatever you want indiscriminately or without consequence.
If two people in an open marriage decide that, for example, co-workers are off-limits, and the husband sleeps with his secretary, that’s a violation of their agreement!
Once I start addressing my own fears, I find that I can focus on feeling happy for my partner(s) instead of bad about myself.
While it’s fair to say that poly people tend to be more open-minded about things like gender fluidity, kinks, and group play, it’s still not fair to make assumptions.
What really happens in a poly relationship is that each individual knows their own desires and boundaries.